I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART,
please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>
Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may
receive.
Document: draft-ietf-l3vpn-end-system-04
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: Dec-8-2014
IETF LC End Date: Dec-8-2014
IESG Telechat date: TBD
Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication as a Standards Track
RFC, but has some nits that should be fixed before publication. [Ready with
nits.]
This draft documents a novel means of using XMPP to signal VPN route
information between VPN Forwarders and End-System Route Servers for use with
BGP IP VPNs. It discussed the requirements on each entity using the scheme.
Major issues:
Minor issues:
Nits:
General: Use a comma after i.e. and e.g.
General: Data center doesn't require a hyphen. Neither does virtual machine.
Wi-Fi does, however.
Page 3, definition of End-System, 1st sentence: change "which" to "whose".
Page 4, 4th paragraph, last sentence: replace "recur to" with "rely upon".
Page 6, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: delete "then".
Page 10, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: delete redundant "the".
Page 10, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "mac-" to "MAC ". Change "a IEEE"
to "an IEEE".
Page 11, figure: this figure needs a caption with a figure number. That will
force an increment of all of the following figure numbers as well.
Page 16, 1st paragraph after XML, last sentence: change "convinience" to
"convenience".
Page 16, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: replace the period with a comma and
change the following "Even" to lower case to join the following clause to the
sentence.
Page 17, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "detemined" with "determined".
Replace "an" with "a".
Page 17, 5th paragraph, 2nd sentence: replace "mapps" with "maps".
Page 18, Section 8, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: change "a XMPP" to "an XMPP".
Page 19, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "attachement" to "attachment".
Page 20, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: I'm not certain, but would inserting
"the" before "host" help? Or how about a host number after "host"?
Page 20, 7th paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "Assuming" to "Assume".