Hi Peter,
Thanks for your thorough review. I accept all your comments. Please see in-line
for my response for some selected items that need some explanation.
Let me know if you have any question.
Best regards,
Young
-----Original Message-----
From: Peter Yee [mailto:peter(_at_)akayla(_dot_)com]
Sent: Thursday, February 19, 2015 11:45 PM
To: draft-ietf-ccamp-rwa-wson-encode(_dot_)all(_at_)tools(_dot_)ietf(_dot_)org
Cc: gen-art(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org; ietf(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org
Subject: Gen-ART LC review for draft-ietf-ccamp-rwa-wson-encode-27
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART,
please see the FAQ at <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>
Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you may
receive.
Document: draft-ietf-ccamp-rwa-wson-encode-27
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: Feb-19-2015
IETF LC End Date: Feb-19-2015
IESG Telechat date: TBD
Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication as a Standards Track
RFC, but has some nits that should be fixed before publication. [Ready with
nits.]
The draft specifies the encoding of information elements necessary for WSON
switching. I've no real issues with the document other than some (mostly)
unimportant nits.
Major issues: None
Minor issues: None
Nits:
General:
There are a few occurrences of "i.e. XYZ" (that is, "i.e." followed by a space
and something (XYZ)). Insert a comma before the space, which should be easy
with a general search-and-replace operation.
When a number of bits is used as an adjective, hyphenate the number and the
word "bit". For example, "64-bit OIC field" instead of "64 bit OIC field"
There are a number of definitions of the form "W: take values S (short-haul), L
(long-haul)". "Take" should be replaced with "takes" for all of these
definitions. These are found in sections 4.1.x.
I find the use of "information element", "field", and "subfield" a bit
confusing as they are used somewhat interchangeably and without great
consistency. That said, I don't think the current usage will harm
implementations.
YOUNG>> I will look at the document and see if "field" can be used in all cases.
Is there any requirement to specify how values are encoded in bit fields? I
wasn't sure if things were done in network order or if anything different from
ITU specifications applied. If there's any ambiguity, specify the encoding
explicitly.
YOUNG>> All the values in Section 4 are encoded according to ITU-T specs. I
don't think there is any ambiguity here. If there is anything different from
ITU-T, this would need to be resolved first.
Replace all uses of "parenthesis" with "parentheses".
Specific:
Page 1: The abstract should appear before the status of the memo. RFC 7322
strongly recommends this ordering be maintained.
Page 2, Abstract, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "WSON specific" to
"WSON-specific".
Page 4, section 1.1: change "Resources Blocks" to "Resource Blocks".
Page 5, section 2.1, 2nd paragraph: change the "a" before "RB" to "an".
Page 6, Usage Note (last paragraph before section 3): change "advantages" to
"advantageous".
Page 6, last sentence: append "field" after "Resource Accessibility". See the
discussion of the term "field" in the General Nits section as well.
Page 7, last paragraph: delete the initial "The".
Page 8, section 3.2, 1st sentence: delete "a".
Page 8, definitions of "I", "O", and "B": for clarity, it might be helpful to
outright specify that the value 1 signals presence and 0 signals absence.
That will remove any minor ambiguity here.
Page 10, last paragraph, 1st sentence: change "used" to "use".
Page 11, section 3.4, 1st sentence: change "Resources" to "Resource".
Page 13, 2nd paragraph after the figure: change "indicated" to "conveyed".
Page 13, definitions of "I", "O", and B": consider rewriting the definitions
like this for readability:
I = 1 indicates that the resource blocks identified in the RB set field
utilized a shared fiber for input access and I = 0 indicates otherwise.
YOUNG>> Good suggestion. Will be added (I think your comment on page 8 would be
satisfied with this change in Page 8 as well).
Page 13, last paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" before "following format".
Page 14, last sentence: delete "list of" and append "List" after "Optical
Interface Class".
Page 15, 1st sentence after the I/O values table: insert "the" before
"input/output".
Page 15, following sentence: change "Format" to "format".
Page 15, last sentence: change "semantic" to "semantics".
Page 16, S=0 definition: replace "non " with "non-".
Page 16, 1st sentence after S=x values: change "values" to "value". (Only one
value is given.)
Page 16, last paragraph before section 4.1.1: insert "the" before "case".
Change "Code" to "Codes". Delete "number".
Page 16, section 4.1.1, B definition: change "Bidirectionals" to
"Bidirectional" (singular). ITU-G.698.1 doesn't use the term "Bidirectionals"
and the singular usage seems appropriate.
Page 17, t definition: delete "take". Append "the" after "only".
Page 17, F flag definition: change "not" to "absence".
Page 17, c definition: insert "the" before "same". Append "as" after
"definition". Replace "apply" with "applies".
Page 18, last sentence before section 4.1.2: change "code," to "code;".
Page 19, c definition: the same corrections as the Page 17 c definition apply
here as well.
Page 19, F definition: change "Fec" to "FEC".
Page 21, fragment before the suffix bit map: rewrite as "suffix is a 6-bit bit
map". Consider changing "bit map" to "bitmap" as that compound word is widely
accepted.
Page 22, 2nd sentence: change "prefixed" to "prefixes".
Page 22, t definition: change "values" to "value".
Page 22, last paragraph, 1st sentence: change "one" to "ones".
Page 23, p definition: put the equal sign before "1".
Page 23, suffix fragment: make the same change as given for page 21.
Page 24, section 4.3, 1st sentence: change "rate" to "rates". Change "types"
to "type".
Page 24, section 4.3, 2nd sentence: change "Rate" to "Rates". Change "G-PID"
to "G-PIDs".
Page 25, 1st sentence after the figure: append "754" after "IEEE".
Page 25, section 4.4: the 1st two sentences are somewhat redundant to each
other and contradictory (is it a field or a subfield?). Choose one and delete
the other.
Page 25, 1st sentence after the numbered list: change "Specific" to "specific".
Or change "vendor" to "Vendor".
Page 26, 1st sentence after the figure: insert "the" before "T".
Page 26, 1st sentence after the list of T values: insert "the" before "C".
Insert "the" before "regenerator".
Page 26, C=2 definition: change "Point" to "Pools". (If you only make one
change in the document, it should be this one as it is technical.)
Page 26, last paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "regenerator".
Page 27, section 5, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: delete the comma after "with".
Page 27, section 6, 2nd sentence: put the period outside of the closing
quotation mark. I don't think you're looking for an IANA registry with a
period in its name.
Page 29, 1st paragraph: change "know" to "known".
Page 32, 1st sentence: change "port to port" to "port-to-port".
Page 32, last sentence: append a comma after "transmitters".