This is the complete version of my review.
Comments to sections 6 and higher have been added. No changes to other sections
have been made.
Sorry for any possible confusion!
--------------------------------------------
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Document: draft-ietf-6lo-6lobac-06
Reviewer: Orit Levin
Review Date: 2016-11-26
IETF LC End Date: 2016-11-30
IESG Telechat date: (if known)
Summary:
This draft is basically ready for publication, but has editorial nits that
should be fixed before publication.
Abstract:
Remove the word "extensively" from the first sentence.
Introduction:
1. Remove the word "extensively" from the first sentence. (Not a
standard-appropriate language.) 2.Consider rephrasing to "... these constraints
are similar to those faced in 6LoWPAN networks, which suggests that some
elements of that solution might be leveraged."
3. Consider rephrasing the last sentence to "This document also specifies a
mandatory header compression mechanism, based on [RFC6282], which reduces
latency and makes IPv6 practical on MS/TP networks."
Section 1.3
1. This section is called "MS/TP Overview". The overview of the existing
specifications is "mingled" with the new features and profiling defined in
"this specification". By just reading this section, it is not always clear
which statements refer to the "baseline" specifications and which to the new
"features" defined in this document. Either consider introducing/improving
"linking" sentences to clarify the text or reorganize/split the text into two
independent summaries: of baseline functionality and of new functionality.
2. In the second paragraph, rephrase to "These features make MS/TP a
cost-effective field bus applicable to building an automation network." (Not a
standard-appropriate language: "for the most numerous and least expensive
devices".) 3. Add the word "only" to "A master node may initiate the
transmission of a data frame only when it holds the token."
4. Consider changing "MS/TP COBS-encoded frame fields have the following
descriptions:" to "MS/TP COBS-encoded frame fields are defined as follows:"
5. Remove "MUST"s from "Frame Types 32 - 127 designate COBS-encoded frames and
MUST convey Encoded Data and Encoded CRC-32K fields. All master nodes MUST
understand Token, Poll For Master, and Reply to Poll For Master control
frames." (See my first comment to this section above. Where is this defined? In
the baseline specs or in this document?)
Section 3
Rephrase to "The method specified in Section 6 for creating a MAC-layer-derived
Interface Identifier (IID) ensures that an IID of all zeros can never be
generated."
Section 4
Consider rephrasing to "This specification restricts an MSDU length for at
least 1280 octets and at most 1500 octets (before encoding)."
Section 5
1. Rephrase to "Because of the relatively low data rates of MS/TP, header
compression is used as a means to reduce latency."
2. Add "of" after "comprises" in "The encapsulation format defined in this
section ... comprises of the MSDU of an IPv6 over MS/TP frame."
3. In "The Dispatch value may be treated as an unstructured namespace", it
would be simpler to say "is treated" unless there is a special significance to
"may be". In later case, it needs to be explained.
Section 6
Consider replacing ", as" by "and is" in "The general procedure for creating a
MAC-address-derived IID is described in [RFC4291] Appendix A, "Creating
Modified EUI-64 Format Interface Identifiers", as updated by [RFC7136]."
Section 10
Consider replacing the second and the third sentences with "This section
provides the text substitutions for [RFC6282] that make it applicable to LoBAC
as follows:"
Section 12
Consider rephrasing to "MS/TP networks are by definition wired and thus not
susceptible to casual eavesdropping. Furthermore, because MS/TP nodes are
stationary, correlation of activities or location tracking of individuals is
unlikely."
Thank you,
Orit Levin.
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