April 31, 2001 - The Internet Engineering Task Force (IETF) today announced
formation of a new working group, tasked with the purpose of standardizing
drunk driving on the information superhighway.
The group, which is yet to be named, was formed in response to pressure
from leaders in the networking hardware, networking software, and
alcoholic beverage industries. The group will be a part of the newly
created Misapplications Area.
"Drunk driving is already in such widespread deployment as to be a de
facto standard", said one industry leader. "We're pleased that IETF has
stopped ignoring reality and is now willing to formally codify the practice."
"We are only beginning recognize the tremendous importance of drunk driving
to the Internet economy" said the new Misapplications AD. "Unfortunately,
drunk driving imposes additional constraints on both the information
highway itself and on other drivers on that highway. For instance,
unimpaired drivers are expected to stay within the boundaries of the roadway,
on the sides of the road appropriate to their direction, and to stop at
intersections before entering them to look for crossing traffic. Up until
new we have cited drivers for layering violations when they failed to follow
these rules. However, experience suggests that these are not reasonable
constraints for drunk drivers. We therefore intend to develop new standards
to better facilitate drunk driving."
The exact form of these standards is yet to be determined, but among the
ideas that have been proposed are allowing drivers to utilize both sides
of the road at once (since it is widely acknowledge that all traffic is
intended to flow in one direction anyway), installing large padded
bumpers around all vehicles, and requiring all non-drunk drivers to
install large flashing strobe lights and systems which warn of the
proximity of a drunk driver to their vehicles.
In response to charges that an increase in drunk driving would impair
the safe and reliable operation of other uses of the information highway,
an industry leader responded, "We have already demonstrated interoperability
of drunk driving on a small scale, between many different vendors. We
believe that any other vehicles are of no consequence, as all of our
customers are already seriously impairied anyway. Otherwise, they wouldn't
be buying our products."
IETF also promised to establish liasons with other standards organizations
which have groups tasked with standardizing driving while blind, under the
influence of hallucinogens, and with railroad spikes through the driver's head.
-30-