Magnus,
Looks good to me. My summary is now "Ready for publication".
Kind regards,
-Peter
-----Original Message-----
From: Magnus Westerlund
[mailto:magnus(_dot_)westerlund(_at_)ericsson(_dot_)com]
Sent: Thursday, January 17, 2013 2:59 AM
To: Peter Yee
Cc: draft-ietf-6man-udpchecksums(_dot_)all(_at_)tools(_dot_)ietf(_dot_)org;
gen-art(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org;
ietf(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org
Subject: Re: Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-6man-udpchecksums-06
Hi Peter,
Thanks for your detailed review. An updated version has just been submitted
the includes fixes to your comments.
Thanks
Magnus
On 2012-12-26 12:05, Peter Yee wrote:
I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on
Gen-ART, please see the FAQ at
<http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>
Please wait for direction from your document shepherd or AD before
posting a new version of the draft.
Document: draft-ietf-6man-udpchecksums-06
Reviewer: Peter Yee
Review Date: Dec-25-2012
IETF LC End Date: Dec-25-2012
IESG Telechat date: Unknown
Summary: This draft is basically ready for publication, but has nits
that should be fixed before publication. [Ready with nits.]
This document provides an update to 2460 to allow the use of zero
checksum UDP packets over IPv6 in certain cases involving protocols
tunneled inside of UDP packets.
Nits:
General: a comma after "i.e." is preferred in American English.
General: it is not necessary to hyphenate "misdelivered" or "misdelivery".
General: put quotes around "Applicability Statement for the use of
IPv6 UDP Datagrams with Zero Checksums"
Abstract, first sentence: "when" -> "where"
Abstract, second sentence: "protocol" -> "protocols"
Section 1, second paragraph, first sentence: delete the comma after
"packet".
Section 1, fourth paragraph, first sentence: move the comma in "AMT,"
to after the reference.
Section 1, fourth paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" after
"applicable in".
Section 3, second sentence: delete the first occurrence of "where".
Consider revising the sentence for clarity.
Section 4, second sentence: "Section" -> "Sections"
Section 4.1, it would be nice, but not necessary to have an
enumeration of the corruption modes.
Section 4.1, third bullet item, first sentence: a verb is missing here
making the sentence difficult to parse.
Section 4.1, third bullet item, first sentence: "packets" -> "packet"
Section 4.1, third bullet item, third sub-bullet: put commas around
"for example".
Section 4.2, first bullet item, last sentence: this sentence is hard
to understand; consider revising. (See next comment)
Section 4.2, first bullet item, last sentence: "an" -> "a" and "are"
-> "is"; also not general comment about "misdelivered".
Section 4.2, third bullet item, third sentence: "effect" -> "affect"
Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, first sentence:
delete "this".
Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, third sentence:
"mis-delievery" -> "misdelivery".
Section 4.2, first paragraph after bullet items, third sentence:
delete "that".
Section 4.3, first sentence: "middlebox devices" -> "middleboxes"
unless this a specific usage from I-D.ietf-6man-udpzero.
Section 4.3, second sentence: "needs" -> "need"
Section 5, first paragraph, second sentence: insert "in" after "node
requirements".
Section 5, first paragraph of replacement text, second sentence:
delete "usage for", replace "some" with "certain", and replace second
"protocols"
with "those".
Section 5, last paragraph: delete first instance of "the".
Section 6, first bullet item, first sentence: "corruptions" ->
"corruption"
Section 6, second bullet item, last sentence: change "This" to "UDP-Lite".
Section 8, first sentence: delete redundant "required".
--
Magnus Westerlund
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