Dear Even and all,
Thank you for your comments.
I have revised the draft based on your comments.
http://www.ietf.org/internet-drafts/draft-ietf-nsis-applicability-mobility-signaling-18.txt
The changes are:
1. Section 6 says that topics is this section are out-of-scope of this
document and detailed operations are not described yet section 6.1.1 provide
what looks like detailed operations.
Changed the text to, "Topics in
this section are out-of-scope of this document. Detailed operations
in this section are just for future references."
2. I am not sure what is the value in appendix A, it looks to me redundant
after reading the rest of the document
removed.
1. All over the document there are abbreviations that are not specified in
full or not specified the first time used. Examples are MRI, MN, CN, AR. NR,
SII, HA, FA, QNE, QSPEC,RSN. I suggest that the editor will go through the
document and specify all abbreviations.
I add abbreviations to each term.
2. In section 4.2 and 4.3 in the beginning instead of the following figure
suggest to write Figure 1 or Figure 2. I also think that the flow
description should be enumerated using the numbers from figure 1.
Done.
3. In section 4.2 "the MN must get to know" maybe say "The MN need to
acquire"
done
4. In section 5.3.1 "The second one is otherwise, and here the tunneling
path is transparent as a logical link to NSIS signaling
[draft-ietf-nsis-tunnel].". I am not sure what is meant by "the second one
is otherwise".
Section 5 is harmonized with NSIS tunneling draft ( [draft-ietf-nsis-tunnel]).
And this unclear text ("the second one is otherwise") is revised.
5. In section 6.1.1 there is a figure without a number. There are
figure 8 and 9 and in the middle this one with no number.
Number added.
6. In section 4.4.2 in the sentence "(how this is can be noticed is
out of scope of NSIS, yet, e.g., GIST will eventually no this through
undelivered messages)" should be "know" and not "no".
Done.
Thanks,
Takako
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