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RE: Proposed New Note Well

2016-01-04 09:59:16
At the risk of continuing the last four years' of nit-picking...

Note Well

This summary does not contain all the details and is only meant to point you 
in
the right direction. Exceptions may apply. The IETF's patent policy and the
definition of an IETF "contribution" are set forth in BCP 79; please read it 
carefully.

I think it may be helpful to use 'a contribution to the IETF' and not 'an IETF 
contribution' as that is the term you use in the second bullet

It may also be helpful to include a citation for 'participating with the IETF' 
and/or 'a participant in any IETF activity' as this is a term with as much (or 
more) weight as used in the bullets.

The brief summary:

• By participating with the IETF, you agree to follow IETF processes and 
policies.
• If you are aware that any contribution to the IETF is covered by patents or
patent applications that are owned by, controlled by, or would benefit you or
your sponsor, you must disclose that fact, or not participate in the 
discussion.
• As a participant in any IETF activity you acknowledge that written, audio 
and
video records of meetings may be made and may be available to the public, and
that recordings of you or your likeness, voice and conduct at the recorded 
event
may be displayed, transmitted, copied, used and promoted in electronic and
physical media accessible throughout the world.
• Personal information that you provide to IETF will be handled in accordance
with the IETF Privacy Statement set.

Is the word "set" superfluous here?

For further information, talk to a chair, ask an Area Director, or review the
following:
​
BCP 9 (on the Internet Standards Process)
​BCP 25 (on the Working Group processes)
​BCP 78 (on copyright in IETF documents)
​BCP 79 (on patents covering IETF documents)
TBD (on IETF Privacy Statement)

The word "on" seems superfluous.
I hope you are able to complete the Privacy Statement before we start using 
this new Note Well, otherwise it will look "odd".

Thanks,
Adrian
--
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