Hi Elwyn,
That's all fine. Re s4, para 2: First, i realised I missed another instance
of 'new' in the abstract.
I think that 'the' is correct in the new [sic] version in both places. It's
pernickety but when it was
'a new' what you have is shorthand for "a new protocol identifier to be called
'TCP/TLS'..." (an
addition to the existng list) whereas because the identifier is no longer new
we now have "the protocol
identifier [named] 'TCP/TLS'...".
My suggestion was to drop “new”, but to keep “a”:
“a protocol identifier, 'TCP/TLS', which…”
But, I’m fine using “the” :)
Regards,
Christer
Sent from Samsung tablet.
-------- Original message --------
From: Christer Holmberg
<christer(_dot_)holmberg(_at_)ericsson(_dot_)com<mailto:christer(_dot_)holmberg(_at_)ericsson(_dot_)com>>
Date: 25/01/2017 13:40 (GMT+00:00)
To: Elwyn Davies
<elwynd(_at_)dial(_dot_)pipex(_dot_)com<mailto:elwynd(_at_)dial(_dot_)pipex(_dot_)com>>,
gen-art(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org<mailto:gen-art(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org>
Cc:
draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update(_dot_)all(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org<mailto:draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update(_dot_)all(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org>,
ietf(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org<mailto:ietf(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org>,
mmusic(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org<mailto:mmusic(_at_)ietf(_dot_)org>
Subject: Re: Review of draft-ietf-mmusic-4572-update-11
Hi Elwyn,
Thanks for your review! See inline.
Nits/editorial comments:
s1, para 2: s/TLS protocol/The TLS protocol/ (as per RFC 4572)
I will fix as suggested.
s4, para 2: s/a new protocol identifier/the protocol identifier/ (it
isn't new any more)
I am happy to remove ³new², but doesn¹t ³a² still sound better than ³the²?
s5.1: Suggest s/m- line/"m" line/ for consistency with s3.4
I will replace with single quotes (Œm¹), for consistency with s3.4 and s4.
s5.1, para 1: s/e.g./e.g.,/
I will fix as suggested.
s5.1, para 4: s/that each used certificate matches/that each
certificate used matches/
I will fix as suggested.
s5.1, para 5: s/each used certificate matches/each certificate used
matches/
I will fix as suggested.
s8, para 5: ' This specification creates a new IANA registry named
"Hash Function Textual Names".'
The registry is no longer new. Perhaps s/creates a new IANA
registry/takes over the IANA registry from RFC 4572/
I suggest:
"This specification takes over the IANA registry named "Hash Function
Textual Names², that was created in RFC 4572. It will not be part of
the SDP Parameters.²
Regards,
Christer