I think the text you SM and Russ discussed for the "global" issue is fine, and
supported by the discussion. (Although I have to say, the word "whole" later in
that section already did it for me; I did not consider the fix critical. But I
think the document is better with the fix.)
3. IETF participants devise solutions for the global Internet that
meet the needs of diverse technical and operational environments.
I'm also happy to have the IPR rules referenced, again as discussed by you SM
and Russ and supported by discussion.
Here is text which can be inserted in the last paragraph of Section 2:
We follow the intellectual property guidelines outlined in BCP 79.
IETF participants read the relevant Internet-Drafts …
And I think the suggestion from Dave was also worthwhile and supported by
discussion:
... All participants, particularly those with English as a first
language, attempt to accommodate the needs of other participants
by communicating clearly, including speaking slowly and limiting
the use of slang. …
Finally, you should use data tracker URLs as Russ suggested.
I do think though that for the rest, we are beyond the stage where additional
editing provides useful results. I think SM's text is good, easily
understandable, and ready to go.
Jari